I’m Back Bitches

I has access to the webzes!!! Admittedly, it is at a friend’s house, but you know what… I feel the happy glow of technology once again! ZOMG! I have missed this!

<sniffles of joy>

Eeeppp! I just had a thought. What if I’m too rusty to continue? What if the creative juices have dried up? What if I am just a husk of my former self and have nothing even remotely amusing to share with the uncaring masses of pixels on this screen? Fear has paramalyzed me…

Wait. Courage just kicked in. Booyah!

It is almost the greatest day of the whole wide year, so I really hope that everyone is pimpin’ out. I have seen some stellar outdoor decorations and killer pumpkins. No. Seriously. The pumpkins tried to kill me. I have the wounds to prove it. Why do the gourds want to destroy me? I mean, just because I carve their flesh with impish glee and roast their innards before their newly made eyes doesn’t really equate to a good reason to fight back. Little upstarts.

Anyway, it’s time to prepare for an awesome evening. Bring on the knives, candles, and gut scrapers! Here’s a goody-goody gumdrop for the tricker-treaters in the audience.

Halloween Breakdancing!

I haven’t been posting for a dang good reason. I’m too busy! I have my annual Halloween party tomorrow night! Woohoo! So I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Do you people know how much work goes into my annual Halloween party? Oh my Heavens! There are the six desserts, three main courses, ten side dishes, all the candy, the decorations to put up, the pumpkins to set up, a costume to make, banners to hang, streamers to stream, music to find, and that’s just the kitchen!

I rent now. One day I’ll have a house. Then my obsession with the last of Octember shall be broadcast to the wide world! I already have one of my skeletons designed to be retro-fitted with electronics so I can have him in my yard. He’s hanging in the closet right now. Seriously, that’s where I keep him. What makes it worse is that a second, smaller skeleton hangs in my living room above my desk. I keep him out all year and just change his hat. His name is Marley. Yeah, I know. I am cornier than the Bach’s candy. It’s part of my considerable charm. ^_^ (Incidentally, today is National Candy Corn Day.)

I’m not even finished with the cleaning and decorating. I have been working pretty hard at it for the most part. Actually, that’s a bit of a nose stretcher. The truth is more like I sit down at my computer with the best intentions and my lazy switch gets flipped to the on position. I tell myself (in the sweetest little voice you ever did hear) that I will take a break from all the Halloween decorating and cleaning. I’ll just say ‘hello’ to everyone, update this here blog, maybe play a mindless flash game set on a five minute timer or read something intellectually stimulating like an article on how to get more done in less time. I won’t stay long. Just a few minutes. Fifteen, twenty minutes at the most. Just enough to relax a bit and then I’ll go and attack that set of milk jug ghosts and plaster vampire busts. Only, when I look up from my screen all I can see the clock flashing an angry, bright red 11 o’clock at me. Huh?!!! How did that happen? I just now started to IM someone! I just pulled up my email! I just sat down! Six hours ago…

Oh. Snap.

Now I’m way behind! How am I going to pull this off? I have eight (yeah, you read that right, eight) pumpkins that have to be carved, twelve yards of curtains to blood stain, seven lucky apples to turn into shrunken heads, spider webs to weave, and a fog machine to set up! What? Huh? Who? Holy zombie popcorn hands, Batman! I didn’t even remember to do last nights dishes! Voltaire, I beg thee! Provide for me inspiration with one of your pop-goth Trek parodies!

Any volunteers? I pay in candy. Half before so you can have some energy, half when the job is completed. Anybody? What if I say please?

Commence with the jigglin’!