An Ode To Taco Bell

Music performance to follow.

I know Americans are getting fat and fast food is a major contributor to it, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Normally I eat pretty well. My portions are still too large, but the plate is covered in vegetables, whole grains, and whatever I can afford on the organic aisle. Still, good for you meals take time to make and a working kitchen. Both of which I currently lack. So today at lunch, when I was faced with going hungry or eating a single banana, I fell off the wagon and crawled to Taco Bell. And it was everything I thought it could be!

The food, as always, was cheap, quick, and sloppily made. The quality was worse than that batch of mac and cheese one of my best friends burned last year. So why did I eat it? Maybe today’s lapse back into the world of fast food was really just me wanting to relive my college days when $10 made me a food buying demi-goddess before the eyes of my fellow RPers. Maybe I just wanted to see the cool sauce packet sayings again. (I think a proposal with the ‘Will You Marry Me’ fire packet would be awesome beyond all reality! And that’s way past Pluto.) Or maybe I just really, really didn’t want the banana. In any case, I am lounging in my computer chair a full and happy camper.

As the salt courses through my veins and leads to either a heart attack in ten years or the early onset of hypertension this month, I am left to ponder the noble spork resting quietly on my desk. Aren’t these things genius? I mean, seriously! It’s a fork and a spoon! If you get the super cool ones at the camping supply stores, the edge is serrated so that you can also have a knife. Now that is a utensil!

Star Fleet Academy Spork

I crave these from thinkgeek.com. As soon as those bad boys come out, I’m going to have a set. You know, once they go on clearance or I find a cheaper place. : )

Boston Warehouse

Boston Warehouse has a line of products called Animalhouse. They are kitchen and office supplies with a quirky, colorful sense of fun. I have about half of them all ready. My sister is to blame. She got me a small selection for Christmas. I have this thing with collections. If I start one, accidentally or not, I must finish it. Some of these guys I don’t really need. Like the squid baster. I’m a vegetarian. What kind of veg do you baste? (Is that even how you spell it?) But, I’ll get it anyway. You know why? Because while I might not use that squid the way it is intended, I’m a wizz at modern art. ^_^

Boston Warehouse Animal House

Aren’t they cute! I get positively hyper when I see them. Especially if they are on sale. You can find them online and get them directly from Boston Warehouse, amazon.com, or where ever else you shop for nifty and fun gadgets. Me, I buy mine at Target. That’s where I first saw them and the only local place that sells them consistantly. If you are in the Winston-Salem/King, North Carolina, you can check on Kohls and Pier One (not listed online). The Hanes Point shopping center on Hanes Mall Boulevard has a Target, Kohls, and Pier One all together, so you could try all three stores at once. I love one stop shopping! Now having typed that, I think I have also seen them at Home Goods and Ross’ (just across the street).

The prices will change a little bit between stores, but, for the most part, each retailer will only be a couple of dollars off. So if you find it cheaper one place and bought if for a little more somewhere else, don’t freak. Of course, you could do the cheapskate thing and return the more expensive one (as long as you use good morals and didn’t use it) for a refund and then buy the one that costs less. Just sayin’.

Has anyone else seen these guys? Do you love them as much as I do? Or do you just think ‘way too much color and childishness’ the way my mother does? Better yet, do you know anyone who has them on sale? ‘Cause I could totally use the mouse cheese shredder!

Epic Fail

I sat down to lunch today and realized I had nothing to eat. Don’t you hate when that happens? Normally it is because I am in too much of a rush from smacking the alarm clock around and I leave my frozen dinner sitting beside the kitchen sink. Today it was because I went to vote and just never thought about food. Doh!

Luckily, I know someone just one floor down who always has food stashed away. I’m not talking your average junk food. No. This woman keeps meals in her office. She is, by far, wiser than I. Normally there is enough to feed an army in there! I swear, if the company had a random party, she could cater it form her personal office pantry.

So I stalked down to her door, knocked politely, made some sweet chit-chat, and tried not to foam at the mouth. (I am not a pretty sight when I am hungry.) She readily agreed to let me have my pick of anything in her cabinet. I floated on a cloud of deliriously happy thoughts over to the Magic Cabinet of Sustenance. I opened the cheaply laminated, faux wood grain doors almost reverently… Only to find a nearly bare cupboard.

Blink.

Who-whaaaa? Did everyone forget about food today?

There was a single box of steam in the bag brown rice left all the way in the back. It looked so lonely. Just sitting there forgotten with no can of soup or bag of apples to talk to. How sad. Poor box of rice. I opened it up and realized there was only one packet left. My kind-hearted friend laughed when I tried to offer some excuse as to why I wasn’t going to devour her last bit of food. She shooed me away with a grin and I was off. I think I took the stairs three at a time.

I slammed the nuker door and hunkered down to watch my soon to be meal spin on it’s little tray. The prospect of a meal was so strong, I didn’t even blink. I was going to silence my angry stomach! I was going to eat! I was going to enjoy the feeling of (at least) mostly full! It was going to be amazing! I was going to add soy sauce from the take-out place! I was going to break open a packet of chop sticks just for the occasion! The timer dinging was akin to angels singing!

I moved so fast to my desk that I may well have teleported! The packet didn’t have a tear here spot, so I just used my fork.

I do not know my own strength…

Spilled Rice

What you can’t see is that about half the packet is on the floor. The cleaning crew just laughed at me. My boss thinks it is just precious that I can’t function well enough to open a bag. Oi.

I am starving. I need food. Desperately! Someone come and feed me!